Boy charm

Happy 13th birthday Jakey.

You are my lucky boy charm, with my luck arriving at 7:14pm on the 10th August 2011 at Freemason’s hospital. Just a few moments earlier, I watched your head emerge (thanks to the midwives who provided a mirror) and waited for what felt like an eternity (thanks to my obstetrician Len Kliman who was taking his sweet time getting to the delivery suite). In those few moments, I experienced the rarity of total unknown anticipation as to whether a baby boy or baby girl was about to be born. For your mum, who likes to plan everything in my life down to a millimetre off a second, this was the most incredible feeling and I will remember that exact moment for ever. Truth be told, both your dad and I were really hoping for a boy and then a moment later there you were, all 3.195kg of you.

Thirteen years later you are standing on the edge of your kingdom of teenage hood. In fact, you already stepped into this sacred space long before your age begun to end in ‘teen’. I have witnessed this changing journey more frequently over the past year, and especially as I write you this birthday memoir of your twelve year old memories and moments. Suddenly you are very into brands, like Realism jumpers and Butter t-shirts. You are at that awkward, but oh so charming tween transition between childhood and adulthood. It feels like one minute you are sharing an insightful fact that you learned in humanities about the ancient Chinese, and the next you are laughing at a fart joke. You are experimenting with different deodorants and colognes and on the odd occasion I ask you about girls, you shut it down with embarrassed nervousness. Despite almost weekly growth spurts (that’s where all those packets of oats are going), you are not quite yet ready to fully grow up yet, but things are already happening that will lead to all that very soon.

There are days when your lanky limbs come clomping down the stairs with the grey cloud of teenage moodiness enveloping your world, and other days where it’s the kid who still wears his oodie and is willingly (just) to let his mum give him a hug. I will follow you on this unpredictable journey as you tiptoe into manhood. I will be there, right beside you when you need me. And I will do my best to step aside when you want to leap ahead by yourself, whilst making sure I keep a good supply of snacks on hand.

The Playstation Era

The first day you turned twelve was the start of completely losing you to the world of online games. You had been hankering for a play station for a while and all your virtual game desires came true. I don’t even want to think of how many times I have been told “just one more minute” when I have asked you to get off to come have dinner / shower / do homework or actually just do something that doesn’t involve your amazing ability to move your fingers across a play station control like a typist on speed. You will play anytime, anywhere and with anyone…even your two year old cousin who has no idea what Playstation even is, but is happy to just hold a remote and stare at the game whilst sitting next to you.

I guess this is just another sign of the blending of your real world and the online world. You and your friends certainly do ‘socialise’ via these games and compare who has the best skins for your characters, while us poor parents are forced to buy endless v-bucks as the latest and greatest shiny new things to buy are released every season.

That Sweet Tooth Aint Going Nowhere

You have always had an instatiable appetite for sweet foods…the more sugar the better. Whether it’s lathering Bar-One sauce over your crepes or buying disgusting lollies using your own money, you would definitely choose a sugar-laden meal as your last meal on earth.

Virgin Skiier

In August you got to experience skiing for the first time and it did not disappoint. You and dad had a great weekend together in Mount Baw Baw and whilst there was not a lot of snow, and the weekend started with an “Evie hiccup”, just like all things sport related, you picked it up pretty quickly and I hope it is a sport you enjoy many times for the rest of your life.

U12 Div 5 SMJFL Premiers!

By far one of the highlight moments of your 12th year (and your footy career) was winning your premiership last season. The victory was so sweet in so many ways as the year prior your team, which consisted mostly of the same players and the same coach, narrowly missed out in the semi finals.

I will never forget the day your team won that premiership, nor will I forget the lead up to that sweet sweet win. You were fortunate to have the rare opportunity of being coached by a sensational parent volunteer coach (Jason Kloszynski), who had that rare ability (especially rare as a volunteer parent coach) to motivate and uplift every single player and he was instrumental in your team winning the grand final.

This current footy season, which is not quite yet over as you turn 13, is not quite as successful, but we will save that for next year’s birthday blog.

AFL Gather Round

In April 2024, you and dad went to Adelaide for the AFL gather round. You got to oggle at many of the footy players at the hotel breakfast buffet , watched a great Carlton game where your team came from behind to win, had your name printed on your Carlton jersey and came home with about 40,000 footballs, water bottles and other AFL junk. Your favourite memorabilia was your bucket hat with the flags of all the teams. Although I am still not sure what you enjoyed more – a weekend filled with footy or the all you can eat breakfast buffet. Definitely the first time a hotel has made a loss on a breakfast buffet!

Eating Oats…for Breakfast, After School Snack, After Dinner Snack and Any Other Opportunity

We really should buy shares in Carman’s, as the amount of their apple and cinnamon oats you get through has to be delivering a tidy profit for the company. The insatiable appetite has been featuring in these birthday blog posts for a while and I have a feeling it will continue to feature for quite a few more years.

Anger Management 101

As newly-awakened teenager hormones start cursing through your veins, they are delivering the expected, but not always welcome, bout of teenage anger and moody emotions. Sometimes you come down the stairs in the morning and I am left pondering how the anger monster managed to get into your heart and head in the middle of the night and overtake my sweet boy. There are times when a seemingly pleasant and innocent conversation suddenly takes a detour to the dark side and you storm upstairs to your bedroom with a trail of tears and shouting following in your wake.

This was never more evident this year when a bad joke turned into an even worse outcome. Your uncle Avi pulled down your swim shorts (although he never actually pulled them down but simply moved them about one inch to expose the side of your undies). I should add that this was a standard joke between the two of you that had been going on for many years and you too had attempted to pull his pants down a number of times.

After the usual hasty exit to your bedroom, I waited the obligatory time to allow the storm to pass and went to gently knock on your door. The “get away” scream that reverberated through your door and bedroom walls threatened to crack our house foundation and I hastily retreated. A little while later I slowly braved entering your bedroom, only to be met with a scene of war-like destruction. Mattress lying skew on the floor, trinkets thrown off your shelf, your framed puppy drawing ripped in two, splinters of wooden frame lying across it’s wagging tail. And then I noticed the anger release evident in your bedroom and cupboard walls, where you had decided to weaponise your shelves and create perfectly-shaped rectangular holes all through the plaster board.

I actually wasn’t as angry as I was expecting, as I think I realised how upset you were and how it was a joke that went way too far. We decided not to fix your wall for a while and let you bear witness to your destruction every time you looked at your bedroom walls. Your dad was reluctant to fix them at all as he argued that you have many more years of teenager angst and wall fighting ahead of you. We did get them repaired a few months later, and let’s hope this is the first and last blog post where wall damage is ever mentioned.

Once Burnt Twice Shy…..or Maybe Not

Sometimes life can burn…literally. In January, during Maccabi carnival, you spent a day at Bondi Beach with Angus and your cousin Yonni. Despite of, or maybe because of, your mum’s numerous nagging requests to put on sunscreen everywhere and your assurance that you definitely will wear your rash vest, you decided it was much more of a cool look to simply wear board shorts with no rashie and somehow the hot Australian sun would simply give you an appealing tan and nothing else.

You were so sore for the few days after that, that you could not sleep on your back, you could not partake in the final day of sport. And when everyone was enjoying the fun at the Aquapark adventure, you sat on the side lines watching. I wish a simple “I told you so” and the extreme physical pain was enough for you to forever learn your lesson. But I have realised that kids (and adults) don’t always learn lessons in one go, for I have seen you still neglect sunscreen and now that the pain has passed, that mishap is but a mere bad memory forgotten.

A Lesson to Remember

One lesson that I do believe has been learned for life is when you were given an internal school suspension for saying “Nee hou” to a Chinese school teacher. I really do believe that you did not mean it with any racists intent as you do not have an unkind bone in your body, and it was a case of a bad joke going wrong. However, the school has a zero tolerance for racial disrespect, which your dad and I totally support, especially in these times when there is such a rise in anti-semitism. You were required to write an incident report and have a full day internal suspension at school, which involved sitting on your own doing class work and recess and lunch by yourself, which you did not enjoy. I think this incident left an impression on you and I hope that you know that saying something disrespectful and rude to anyone of anyone race is never ever acceptable, and can never be excused as a joke.

Buzzer Beater

A highlight of your basketball career to date was achieved this winter season. During a very close game, your coach called a time out in the dying moments when your team was down by two points and your coach was aiming to get a draw result with one basket. The specific advice to your team was “no three pointers”. With seconds to go, you got the ball and threw a 3 pointer, which landed with a perfect swish as the buzzer went, beating the other team by one point. I wasn’t at the game (unfortunately) but your dad told me how your team mates (and another Malvern Tigers team) raced on to the court to high five you and celebrate your moment of glory. In fact, your achievement was so infamous that your previous coach (Anthony) texted me that same night to say well done as the news had obviously spread amongst the club community.

First Real Job

2024 was the start of your illustrious career as a footy umpire. You have started as a boundary umpire with SMJFL (South Metro Junior Football league) and most Sundays, following your own footy game in the morning, you don the same uniform that professional footy umpires wear and run up and down the field as a boundary umpire for U14 to U16 games. Besides the pretty decent money you earn as a 12 year old kid ($52 per game for U16s), this job has helped you develop leadership and confidence skills. After a few weeks you were happy to be dropped off (in fact, you prefer it if your parents don’t hang around) and you have held your own in the umpire change rooms and on the field with other umpires many years your senior. Earning your own money has taught you the joy of working and getting paid for your services….now you just need to remember not to spend it all on overpriced Kit Kats and Gatorade at the school vending machine.

Learning New Skills

You are starting to learn more ‘adult’ skills…..like ironing your own shirts, fishing (thanks to your cousin Yonni) and how to put a doona cover on a doona. You still love cooking and occasionally will help me in the kitchen, especially if it involves a chocolaty bowl or spoon licking at the end.

Kindness is Your Strongest Virtue

Jake, you have always been extremely kind hearted, more so than many other people in this world. As you morph into a teenager the one word answers and pendulum moods are starting to appear more regularly, but your kindness is always front and centre. I had the great privilege this year of attending some of your bnei mitzvah weekly lessons at SpiritGrow shul. During one of the last lessons, Rabbi Menachem spoke about what it means to be Jewish. He spoke about all humans having an animal and a spiritual soul within us. Whilst our animal soul is based on instinct and will do whatever it can to ensure one’s own survival, our spiritual soul is looking how to do better in this world, both for one self and for others. Jake, your spiritual soul is evident is so much of how you live your daily life. Whether it’s asking me, dad or Evie how our day was while we are seated around the dinner table (usually the only one in our family to do so), or being the only grandchild that nanny has ever taken shopping for clothes to offer her a Boost juice at the end of shopping (usually it’s nanny offering the grand child and not reciprocated). It’s in the way you take the time and dedication to write meaningful birthday cards for your friends, or wrap a box of chocolates with care to present to your year 6 math teacher on her birthday. It’s in the way you show respect and gratitude by always shaking your coaches hands at the end of a football or basketball match, no matter how despondent you may feel after a big loss.

Friends 4 Ever

Your core friendship group is extremely tight and I hope that many of you will remain so well into the future. I know that friendships probably will change and evolve during the teenage years, but you are extremely fortunate to have a group of boys who have fun together and have each other’s backs. You have also developed friendships beyond the school gates, like your basketball friend Jake. May you always be friends with people who celebrate you and laugh with you.

I Just Want to Relax Mum

“I just want to relax mum” is your catch phrase whenever I ask you to do chores, unpack your school bag or go have a shower. And relaxing is an art form that you excel at! Whether its losing hours of your life to G-d knows what silly videos on TikTok, or playing endless games of Brawl Stars, you are a gold medal contender for relaxing!

Silliness Personified

I have written a whole blog post on your funny and silly faces and it makes me super happy that this core part of your personality has not changed one iota. I wonder if the next few years will bring less of these funny faces. I really hope not, in fact I hope you will live to a very old age always wearing these silly faces. If you can laugh your way through life, then there is no doubt you will have a successfully happy life.

Prime Time

The prime craze is well and truly over (TG), but the wall of prime still stands in all its glory in your bedroom.

I have no doubt by next year this time it will be replaced and your teenage nose will turn itself up and the thought of a Prime bottle pyramid. But I will capture it here, forever to be remembered from when you were 12.

Becoming barmitzvah

This is the last birthday blog before you officially become a man according to Jewish law. You have started to learn your pasha with Rabbi Shneur and you took part in the 10 week bnei mitzvah program at Spiritgrow shul with Rabbi Menachem. I was fortunate enough to attend many of these sessions with you, which I enjoyed immensely and learned many things myself. My favourite session was where we all sat around a Shabbat dinner table and got to eat many different Jewish foods from many different cultures.

Show Me the Boy and I Will Show You the Man

This is a well known concept and I see wonderful attributes in your personality that I know will make you an amazing husband and father one day. Whilst you and Evie ignore each other at the best of time (and are bloody rude to each other at the worst of times), I know you deep down (sometimes very deep) value the blood relationship you have, and TG you both support the same footy team! You are so beautifully gentle with your baby cousins, have all the time in the world for grandparents and you will still give your mum a hug. You are an unassuming gentle giant in the way you ask me how my day was, you hardly ever lose your temper and you have a maturity that belies your age. I am so so proud of the young man you have become.

Letting Go of 12

Today you have let go of 12. You march forward with not a single look back, completely in step with time. I of course want to look back, but I too have to move forward as time is persistent and waits for no-one. Thirteen now means holding on to the past but also letting go. It will be holding onto the days you want to spend with me but letting you go when you’d rather be with your friends. It’s holding onto your school work and sleep and meals but letting go of the control and trusting that you’ve got this. Holding on to the hope that you will make good decisions and letting go of believing I can make them for you. Holding on so tight to the more infrequent hugs and letting go hoping you will always come back. Holding onto kissing your soft boy cheek good night each night and letting go of my fear for when manly facial stubble takes it place. Thirteen will be still holding onto all the memories of my little boy, and letting you go as you start to become a man.

Happy thirteen Jakey. I will hold on as I also let go…..but will never ever stop loving you.

A 12 Year Old Birthday Interview

Who is your best friend? Angus
What is your favourite subject at school? Sport
What is better about being in year 7 compared to year 6? Elective subjects
What is your favourite colour? Green
What is your favourite food? Pizza
What’s your worst food? Avocado
Who is your favourite musician or band you like listening to? Kanye West
If you could have a training session with any AFL player, who would you choose? Charlie Curnow (Carlton)
What famous person would you like to meet and what would you ask them? Charlie Curnow. I would ask “Can I have your boot?”
What is your favourite birthday gift? Michael Jordan poster
What do you want to be when you grow up? NBA player
What makes you happy? Jokes
What makes you sad? Avocado
If you could have three wishes in the world what would they be?
1. Infinite money
2. To be invisible
3. To fly and to teleport (I want four wishes)
What is something you are really good at? Sport – basketball (shooting) and footy (kicking)
What is something you would like to improve? How will you do it? I will train more
What is your favourite book? I don’t have one
What is the best part of your birthday? Sleepover with Riley, Judah and Angus
If you could change one thing in the world what would it be? That everything is free
What are you grateful for in life? You mum (side note: mum’s heart exploded when she heard this)
What is something you would like to change to make the world a better place? That there are no wars
What have you enjoyed and not enjoyed when doing your roots project this year? Enjoyed – creative response. Not enjoyed – writing out the interviews
What is something you appreciate about your mum? dad? Evie?

1. Mum – always make dinner and lunch for me
2. Dad – always plays games with me
3. Evie – that she was very thoughtful about my birthday gift

What is something you appreciate about your grandparents? They let me have anything I want
Do you have a favourite memory? Going to Thailand the first time
If you could tell the future, what is something you would like to know? What happens next birthday
What is something you have done in your life that you are proud of? Won a footy premiership
If you were an animal, what would it be? Dog
What is something about you that many people don’t know? I used to skateboard
If I gave you $100 now what would you buy? Everything on my birthday list that I didn’t get – whatever $100 would buy
What is one goal that you would like to achieve when you are 13 years old? How will you do it? To make more decisions by myself. I will just make more decisions by myself
What are you looking forward to when you have your barmitzvah? The ping pong arcade machine at my party
Who will win the grand final this year? Port Adelaide
If you could get any birthday present in the world, what would you want? Electric scooter
What do you think has changed most about yourself from being 12 to turning 13? The sports I like watching. I don’t like watching basketball as much anymore and I like watching water polo now.